About a year and a half ago, I relaunched my coaching business calling it Ripples & Echoes of You. I was uncomfortable about so many things, including calling myself a life coach (life coach? I mean, puh-leeze), putting myself out there, creating a website, marketing, attracting clients, and taking myself seriously. The list goes on, and trust me, the struggle was real.
My fears and discomfort didn’t stop me, but they stayed in close communication, constantly whispering in my ear, “Who are you to think you can help people?” “What if you get stuck?” “What if you pick the wrong colors for your website?” “What if you don’t like it when it’s done? “How can you reveal yourself in weekly emails and blog posts?” “WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?”
My nervous system was doing its job, trying to keep me safe based on what it knows, old survival patterns, belief systems and assumptions.
Getting Started
Knowing myself and recognizing how irked I can get when I try to do something I have little skill in, I hired someone to create my website. I wanted a completed website AND hair left on my head at the end instead of pulling it all out in frustration.
With the help of my web designer, I picked out colors and images I liked. I followed suggestions and polled a few friends about how they thought it was going, receiving positive feedback all the way. When it was complete, I was proud of it. Ready to drop my fears and recognize my successes, I hung my shingle again. Let’s do this!
Remember that fear of me not liking my website? Well, it came true. It took about a month to decide that the website didn’t represent my work. The tone was wrong. The colors were wrong. I’m offering trauma-informed coaching with cotton candy colors. Reflection was necessary. How did I let this happen?
Clarity
Reflection brought about clarity. It turned out that an old version of myself designed the site; a voice from the past that was still running the show, the part inside me that wants it all to be fun and doesn’t take me seriously. “I like purple, orange and teal. I can’t present myself as me, Amy Glin – I need a creative name. I want to be fancy, show my creativity.” I recognize her; she’s guided decision upon decision for decades. Now what?
Time to engage the new maturer vantage point from where I now live without making that younger version of me wrong. In her eyes, she was helping. Once I understood what happened, I set out to appreciate her and how she’s gotten me through life. Thank her for her work up until now, for bringing us to this point, and for loving me enough to keep going. She deserves kudos. She said, “Wheeee, let’s go,” and Ripples & Echoes of You was born.
The Moral
The moral of the first part of this story is to begin, even though fear, not-knowing and uncertainty are present. Being afraid didn’t stop me; not liking my final result didn’t stop me, and I didn’t beat myself up for creating something I ultimately didn’t want. I had compassion for the part of me that moved forward in the best way she knew how. The part of me that said YES! even though she wanted to hide; the part that kept going.
I started where I was, went as far as I could see and then I could see farther and more clearly. Sometimes you don’t know what you want until you know what you don’t want.
It’s a year later. The maturer me has landed. Yes, maturer. Life with its unwavering growth continues to unfold, and I keep learning. I decided to learn WordPress and take the time to design a new website myself, talk about a new learning curve.
In an effort to curb anticipated frustration stemming from an almost complete lack of knowledge of how to proceed, I bought classes on Udemy and scoured YouTube for more info. I continued to remind myself that I could come back tomorrow, try again and figure out the difficulties. I’d tell myself I’m a novice, and it’s no surprise I don’t know how to do everything correctly the first time, I’M LEARNING. And for the time being, I stopped drinking coffee, more of a drug and mood alterer than given credit. (I’ll be back, haha)
I gave myself enough time to figure it out, two months, so much to learn. And I did it. Today I’m announcing the launch of my new website, https://www.amyglin.com.
I’m a fan of saying you can’t change without changing.
Applying Change
1) In the beginning, I sent out The Weekly Journal emails no matter how many times I woke up in the middle of the night worrying about revealing my thoughts, and guess what? I didn’t die! Taking action instead of responding to the fear retrained my nervous system to be more comfortable feeling and revealing, which leads to healing!
2) I relinquished the fear of frustration for the joy of accomplishment.
3) The work I’ve done on myself, the trainings I’ve participated in, and my experiences with clients have shown me that, yes, I can comfortably call myself a trauma-informed life coach without cringing…I can trust my experience working with people and believe what they tell me about their growth after working together. My, how I’ve grown, haha. And continue to.
It’s vitally important to realize that the defense mechanisms and survival tactics that saved us in childhood can be put down as adults. We wouldn’t have survived without them; they are to be commended and revered with great gratitude. As adults, they are no longer necessary, don’t serve us and sometimes hurt us; we have options available to us now we didn’t have back then. First, they have to be recognized. That’s where a good coach comes in.
The final thing I want to say is that growth takes time, commitment, and the release of illusions. Newfound resources undermine old habits and patterns, and one day, you notice the smile on your face is genuine more often. It’s not magic. It results from desire, commitment, and stepping into your life with your true self.
P.S. The website is still a work in progress; please let me know if you see any glitches. Thanks!